What mindfulness has meant to me

(Euan Semple tweeted this article in The Guardian about mindfulness this morning . . . just as I was planning to write this blog post. It is funny how often that happens - as you think about a topic yourself it seems that suddenly you are plugged into a wider world of like-minds that you never noticed before! :-))

The lovely quiet Christmas and New Year break that I've been able to have this year has been perfect for helping me to think about the quite profound impact that the mindfulness course I attended for that last 10 weeks of 2010 has had on me.

The course was run by Robert Marx and Sarah Pratap - both experienced psychologists - and was provided for me by the NHS. It was a 10 week course, with 2 hour sessions each Monday morning and an all day session towards the end of the course. I was one of around a dozen people who were taking part in the course. We'd all been referred through to the course from different routes and experiences. Some of us were trying to tackle recurring depression, anxiety or other mental health issues, others were focusing on finding ways to deal with chronic long term pain.

MBCT is basically a blend of Buddhist meditation and congnitive therapy techniques. You use meditation practices to focus your attention on how you are feeling and thinking in the here and now. You use it to give yourself time and space to notice things as they really are - and as a by-product you create little oases of relaxation and calm for yourself.

The reason that MBCT courses are being prescribed by the NHS (an 8 week course being held at a local alternative therapy clinic near to me costs £450!) is because there is a growing body of clinical evidence suggesting that it's at least as effective as anti-depressants in preventing relapse into depression. Some studies are suggesting that it is more effective than medication.

When it was explained to me, I found it a little bit hard to grasp how or why this kind of activity could help with something that felt so random and uncontrollable as depression. I'd found that CBT had been very helpful with getting to grips with the way that negative thoughts and patterns of negative thinking directly impacted on my state of mind. So I could see what was happening as the black dog came along and sat on my head. But I was still very anxious about whether I had the tools I needed to shift that black dog off my head once he'd got good and comfy, or even better, whether I might be able to tell the black dog to DO ONE.

Having completed the course, I still can't really grasp how it works, or why it works. But it really does feel like I've started one of the most profound changes in the way I see the world and think about things. The guided meditation practice that you learn about and make part of your daily routine isn't always a comfortable activity. The idea that at the end of it you feel all zen and at one with the world is definitely a bit of a fantasy! You often find yourself feeling distrated, irritated, sad or angry at the end of the practice. But the process of having taken the time to sit and focus on the present moment and to be close to your thoughts and feelings without letting them run away with you is really therapeutic in the real meaning of that word.

I feel like my brain is being re-wired in a new and positive way. I feel like a mountain. And I can see that the things that happen to me, and the way I feel about them are like the weather. They will pass. And the things that have happened in the past that gnaw away at me and fill me with regret are things that are over. I can let them go. And I can worry about the future, and plan, and anticipate and want to be in control, but in the end I can't really control what is coming down the track towards me. But I'll always have this moment right now. And each moment has huge potential.

The most surprising thing for me at the moment is that the meditation practices are completely addictive. I feel a bit like I've missed out when I let a day or two go by without spending some time contemplating the here and now. I've never had a positive addiction before!

Here's a great passage from the course workbook that sums up what MBCT is helping me to unlock:

"From thoughts come actions. From actions come all sorts of consequences. In which thoughts will we invest? Our task is to come to see them clearly, so that we can choose which ones to act on and which we will simply let be."

Exciting isn't it? :-)

Further reading if you are interested:
Kabat-Zinn - Wherever You Go, There You Are and Coming To Our Senses


(Image - by itzafineday on Flickr, CC licence)